ANGEL By Morticia 40/? ST: Voyager C/P Rating. SLASH, m/m NC-17 ****WARNING - DEATH OF MAJOR CHARACTER **** Archive: Anywhere, just let me know, please Disclaimer: Tom, Chak et al are Paramount's (lucky devils) Angel is mine (yippee!)   Part 40   THE DOCTOR Three days before the intended attempt to traverse the wormhole back to the Alpha Quadrant, I sat in my office in sickbay, carefully watching Tom treating a minor injury through the window, and contemplated my uncertain future. The Captain had assured me that my program had developed to such an extent that I would now be considered self-aware. I would be treated as a new life form. I wouldn't be decompiled and replaced by a more modern program. I wanted to believe her, of course, but there were no guarantees. There was no way of knowing what would happen to me. She had quoted the example of Captain Picard's successful legal defense of the android Data in an effort to quell my fears. However, the fact that there had been people in Starfleet prepared to claim him as property in the first place, confirmed my suspicion that everyone would not automatically accept me as having a right to be considered a `person'. When all was said and done, I was just a computer program, by now probably a badly out of date one. In addition to my concern regarding my continued existence, I was also aware that our return would make me effectively redundant. I might spend the rest of my existence as a mere curiosity. Expected to perform for an audience just to justify my inclusion in any human gathering. I had little expectation of the return to the Alpha Quadrant being of benefit to my own life. I supposed that was why I identified so closely with Tom Paris. Like me he was wandering around in a complete daze, with obviously no hope of future happiness. He was still technically off duty and was registered as my patient. However I had been unable to concentrate on my own duties as he sat silently in the corner of sickbay each day, waiting for Alpha Shift to finish so that Harry could collect him again. It was painfully reminiscent of the months he had spent waiting for Chakotay to fetch him after shift when he had been paralyzed. Yet even during the long, terrible year of his incarceration in sickbay, his presence had been less distracting to me. During his paralysis his mind had always been aware, he had constantly griped and complained, he had fought my ministrations every step of the way, and yet in retrospect that had been far easier to deal with than his current complete apathy. So I had put him to work. Gently at first, just cleaning up and calibrating instruments. There were far too many lethal opportunities in sickbay to let him do anything unattended. But as the days went on and he showed no intention of harming himself again, I began to give him a little more responsibility, gradually easing him back into his role as my assistant. For years I had complained about his irreverent attitude, his inappropriate witticisms and his failure to take his part-time role as my assistant seriously. Now he was the perfect, compliant worker I had always wanted. I hated it. I would have given anything just to see the smallest spark of rebellion or to hear the smallest complaint. The Tom Paris I knew had disappeared to be replaced by a soulless obedient automaton. Captain Picard himself would have a hard time proving that Tom was still self- aware. Every morning, Tuvok took Tom for a counseling session, returning him an hour later even more subdued. I was beginning to have severe doubts whether the counseling was a good idea. Whatever Tom and Tuvok discussed in these sessions only seemed to increase Tom's general apathy. I was positive that Tuvok was taking the wrong approach, that Tom needed to face Chakotay and talk things through. Everyone seemed to have forgotten the months of devotion Chakotay had spent in this very room, cleaning and dressing Tom, forcing him to face life as a quadriplegic, never allowing him to give up. In my opinion, no one could be that caring of someone that they didn't love. I clearly remembered the day Chakotay had proposed to Tom. I had seen the rapturous look on his face. I had never seen such unholy joy on another face before or since. I was convinced that Tom and Chakotay belonged together, no matter what had happened between them. Tuvok, on the other hand, believed that Tom was better off without Chakotay and his reinforcing of this opinion to the vulnerable young man only seemed to be sucking out what little life remained in the pilot. I had just decided to put my foot down and make an official complaint about the treatment of Tom when an explosion rocked the ship and the emergency medical klaxon sounded. "Medical emergency" screamed an unfamiliar voice from the comm. even as people started to materialize in sickbay carrying badly burned crewmembers. As I rushed to help, I saw Tom hovering uncertainly, his face blank with shock. "Lieutenant Paris" I snapped furiously "Help these people" He blinked in confusion and then his gaze cleared and he was suddenly galvanized into action at my side. Between us we got the worst of the victims into bio-beds and then as I dealt with the worst injuries, he began to quietly administer first aid to the rest. "What happened?" I asked Jim Carrey furiously as he materialised with another patient. The side of his face was blistered and his hair and uniform were singed. He was carrying Jenny Delanney; her body was just a congealed mass of third-degree burns. "The plasma injector coils blew as we made the last adjustments to the warp engines. The whole of engineering went up in flames and a wall of fire just blew through Jeffries tube 19. The maintenance crew inside were incinerated" he gasped through burnt lips. "How many casualties are there?" I asked "I'm not sure, maybe a dozen. Dalby and Rogers were killed instantly, B'Elanna was trapped in Jeffries tube 22 and Chakotay went in to rescue her but neither of them came back." Carrey cried helplessly. "I think they're dead too!" I looked anxiously to see whether Tom had heard, but he was too busy running a regenerator over Sue Nicolletti. As I lifted Jenny out of Carrey's arms, I noted that it was too late, the young woman was dead. Sadly I placed her gently on a gurney and then rushed to help the next patient. By the time I had managed to stabilize all of the other burn victims, the Captain had arrived. "How many?" She asked quietly "Apparently Dalby and Rogers although their bodies were completely incinerated. Jenny Delaney, Hugh Richardson and Chell. The other patients' injuries are treatable." I replied "B'Elanna and Chakotay are still missing, Captain" Carrey said. The Captain looked at us both in horror but before she could speak the air shimmered with a transporter beam and Seven materialised with B'Elanna in her arms. The ex-Borg was smeared with soot and blood. B'Elanna's body dangled lifelessly from Seven's torn and blistered arms. "You will regenerate this drone." She ordered, her eyes blank with evident shock. It was pitifully obvious that B'Elanna was long past any help that we could give her. "It's too late, Seven, B'Elanna is dead" The captain soothed Seven backed away in violent denial, completely maddened with grief "This drone will be repaired." She hissed threateningly I reached forwards to take the body but Seven jerked backwards out of my reach, keening plaintively. "Please give her to me, Seven" I murmured softly "I will not comply." Seven gasped desperately, tears pouring down her face, smearing her blackened cheeks. She didn't see Tom slip behind her and place the hypospray to her neck. As she collapsed, I leapt forwards and caught B'Elanna's body as it fell from her arms. "Thank you, Tom" The Captain said in surprise at his swift and positive action but he just looked straight through her, his eyes as blank as Seven's had been. I had hardly placed B'Elanna down when the sickbay doors opened and Angel staggered in with Chakotay. For a moment, looking at the savage burns on the Commander's face, I feared that he too was dead. "Quickly, please" Angel gasped "He's dying" Rushing forwards with a tricorder I registered that Chakotay was still alive, if only just. Heat and smoke had seared his lungs and he was barely breathing. "Get him on that bed" I ordered and Tom rushed forward to help Angel carry the commander. As I quickly worked to repair Chakotay's lungs, Tom grabbed two regenerators and giving one to Angel showed him how to use it. Even as I struggled to save Chakotay's life I was struck by the pathos of the scene. Both the men who loved him were working side by side in an effort to repair the horrendous burns on his hands and arms. When I was sure he was stabilized, I left the commander to their tender ministrations and concentrated on my other patients. Finally the battlefield conditions eased. The crew with minor injuries left. Five injured people were now safely attached to bio- beds and were stable and healing. Seven was sedated on the sixth bed. Four covered bodies lay on gurneys in my office. Tom and Angel were sat either side of Chakotay's bed, each holding one of the Commander's hands in quiet desperation. The Captain turned a tear-streaked face to me. "How could it happen now?" She asked, "So close to home? How could they have survived so long only to die now?  What happened? What went wrong?" "It was my fault, Captain" Carrey said, tears of grief and shame pouring down his cheeks. "I ran the diagnostics on the new system. I killed them. I killed them all. It was my fault." I expected the Captain to explode in anger. Instead she put a comforting hand on the engineer's shaking shoulders. "If it WAS your fault, and until we check we won't know, then you made a mistake, Jim. That's all. You were dealing with an unfamiliar technology on an engine that has been patched together for years. We need you Jim, now B'Elanna is - is gone; we need you to get the engines back on line. You need to concentrate on that now if we are going to get home." She replied urgently as though she could simply order him to cease his grief. I looked at her in shock "I've heard the engine room has been destroyed." I reminded her. "Most of the damage was contained before it affected critical systems. The casualties were due to a backdraft from the explosion. The only real damage was to flesh and bone." She replied sadly "The new warp core is still usable." I looked at her in disbelief. The only way she could know those facts was if she had checked before she arrived in sickbay. I couldn't believe that she had actually checked on the engine room before finding out how the crew were. As though reading my thoughts, she explained "I made a promise to get everyone home, Doctor. Despite today's tragedy, that is exactly what I intend to do." "Not everyone, Captain" I said, nodding at the gurneys significantly. "No, not everyone" She agreed sadly, then she shrugged and left sickbay. I watched the doors close behind her and simply stood in contemplation for a long time. I was beginning to think I was the only sane crewmember left on the ship.   ANGEL   "You saved him" I jerked in surprise at Tom's soft words. For a moment I contemplated lying, but I just couldn't do it. "No I didn't. It was Seven. She broke though the bulkhead into the Jeffries tube to rescue B'Elanna. I just followed her through." I admitted, remembering how I had been frozen in terror at the sound of B'Elanna and Chakotay's screams of anguish as they burned. "Oh" he said. He was quiet for a long time before he added "Still, you brought him back here." "Yes" I agreed quietly We lapsed into silence again, maintaining our vigil over Chakotay. "You're hurt," Tom said vaguely, some time later I looked down in surprise at the burns on my hands and arms. As soon as I became aware of them, they immediately began to ache. "Yes" I said He reached over Chakotay with the regenerator and silently began to heal my burns. "Thank you" I said, surprised at his actions "It's my job." He replied softly "I thought you were a pilot," I said thoughtlessly "Not anymore" he said sadly and I felt a dart of regret that I had inadvertently wounded him so badly. It had been more than enough that I had returned to reclaim my beloved. It was a shame that I had destroyed Tom's life in the process. "I'm sorry," I said, and I didn't just mean about his job, I meant about everything. Tom shrugged carelessly although his face was a mask of grief. "S'Okay. It's not your fault." I couldn't think of an answer and Tom didn't seem to expect one so we just sat there silently as the hours passed. Eventually I dozed, waking to see Tom running a hand lovingly over Chakotay's face, tracing his tattoo with his delicate fingers. Instead of the expected jealousy as I saw my rival stroking my beloved, I just felt an overwhelming sense of sadness. Tom looked at me furtively, I feigned sleep and then watched him bend down and give Chakotay a soft, tender kiss on the forehead and then another on his lips. I was just deciding enough was enough when Chakotay began to stir and Tom jerked back in guilty shock. Chakotay's eyes began to flutter as he struggled back to consciousness. Tom abruptly let go of his hand and stood up, backing slowly away from his bed.  I looked at the young man in surprise. His secret kisses had completely proven to me that his vocal rejection of Chakotay had been just an act. "Where are you going, Tom?" I asked in confusion. He looked at me with miserable, apologetic eyes. "I just needed to know he was okay. I'll go now." He mumbled and quickly walked out of the room. As he left, relinquishing my beloved to me, giving up all claim, I was surprised at how hollow my victory felt. Especially when Chakotay's first waking word was "Tom?" TBC