ANGEL By Morticia 42/? ST: Voyager C/P Rating. SLASH, m/m NC-17 Archive: Anywhere, just let me know, please Disclaimer: Tom, Chak et al are Paramount's (lucky devils) Angel is mine (yippee!)   Part 42   THE DOCTOR   "I don't understand how you knew what was going on" I said to Angel as I ran a regenerator over the vicious bruise that darkened his left eye. Despite his much slighter frame, Tom had apparently attacked Angel like a cornered animal when he had been apprehended in the shuttle bay. In addition to the black eye, Angel's jaw had been fractured in three places. "As soon as I saw the light on the maintenance console, I realised what he was trying to do." Angel mumbled through his swollen lips, "Tom's was the only possible action that could save Voyager." "How did you know it was Tom?" I asked curiously. Personally I had been so engrossed in watching the wormhole; I hadn't even noticed Tom limping out of sickbay towards the shuttle bay to implement his desperate plan. "I didn't, except that I couldn't imagine anyone else understanding the danger we were in and having the skill and courage to act on it." I appreciated his description Tom's actions as being courageous. I had never had any time for the Heran, seeing him only as an obstacle in the way of Tom's happiness. It was odd to hear him defending the pilot, particularly since I had heard a number of people uttering less charitable interpretations of the incident. "So what were you planning to do when you stopped him?" I asked "I was going to fly the shuttle myself. I knew how much Tom meant to Chakotay. All I could think was that if Tom died because of the wormhole, Chakotay would never forgive me. So then we would both end up losing him." I was surprised to hear Chakotay speak up in reply to Angel's sorrowful words. He had been sitting in a daze for so long that I had almost forgotten that he was with us. "I wouldn't have forgiven myself if you had died either, Angel. I'm so sorry about how things have worked out. I never meant to betray you. I waited five years. I tried not to fall in love with Tom, but I just couldn't stop myself." He admitted sadly. For a moment I thought I saw something dark glitter in Angel's golden eyes and his mouth twisted as though he had tasted something bitter but then he smiled forgivingly at Chakotay. "And once you fell in love with Tom there was no way for you to come back to me." Angel replied understandingly. Chakotay's face showed his gratitude at Angel's generous forgiveness. "I wanted to walk away from him, Angel, I tried so many times to give him up, but I just couldn't." Chakotay apologized. "I never meant to hurt either of you." Angel looked Chakotay with a strange combination of love and regret. "When Tom refused to take you back, I still hoped that you would turn to me. I thought that eventually you would give up on him and remember what we had once meant to each other." Angel admitted quietly "But I realised after the fire that he still loved you. Only I didn't understand why he still seemed prepared to let you go." "He didn't believe I loved him. He wasn't prepared to give us another chance. He just wanted to run away from our relationship. That's why he decided to kill himself on the shuttle." Chakotay said bitterly. "No, Chakotay, you're wrong." I snapped furiously, angry that he still failed to fully appreciate Tom's bravery. How could the Commander claim to truly love Tom and yet always fail to look beneath Tom's actions and understand his motivations when they were so obvious to me? "If it was only that he wanted to die, he could have just let the ship be destroyed. The important thing was that he wanted the rest of us to live, or to be more accurate, for YOU to live." I stated firmly. Chakotay considered this for a moment and then slowly nodded his acceptance of my argument but oddly it did not seem to comfort him, instead he turned his sad eyes toward Angel "And what about you, Angel? Did you want to die too? Is that why you tried to take his place?" He asked guiltily. "No, I . I just knew that I couldn't bear to watch you grieve over him, hating yourself, hating me." Angel said quietly "I could never hate you, Angel." Chakotay said in surprise "But you love Tom more. That's why you refused to see me or speak to me. You didn't want to admit that you were secretly planning to leave me and follow Tom if we got home, weren't you?" Angel accused although his tone was softer than his words implied. Chakotay nodded in shameful acknowledgement. "I never thought you would understand, Angel. Let alone agree to let me go." "No, I don't suppose I would have. Not then, anyway. I couldn't see past my own selfish needs." Angel admitted "But everything seems clearer to me now. I've already caused enough harm. It's time I stopped trying to reclaim something that was never really mine. Tom couldn't bear to live without you but he wanted his death to mean something. I stole his chance to sacrifice his life for you. I was so busy trying to stop him getting on the shuttle that it was too late to stop her taking it. I didn't even see her enter the shuttlebay." He added with regret. For a moment I wondered whether his regret was more for having stopped Tom after all, but I decided that my suspicion was unworthy. Angel's actions had been exemplary and he was accepting Chakotay's decision to choose Tom with dignity and good grace. "She never wanted to return to Earth and after B'Elanna died she felt there was nowhere for her to go." I said softly "Seven gave us all the chance to live. We will all mourn her, but at least she died saving the ship that B'Elanna loved so much." I finished running the bone-knitter over Angel's jaw and went to check on Tom again. He was still unconscious. "Did you have to hit him quite so hard?" I asked waspishly "I didn't hit him at all. I've never been able to fight. I just grabbed him and then Tom was so busy pounding me that we didn't see Seven get on the shuttle." "So what happened? How did he get knocked unconscious?" "When the outer doors opened the internal force-field took a second to seal the vacuum. Tom was slammed into a bulkhead by the drop in pressure." "He should get a medal for trying to save us" Chakotay murmured, stroking Tom's forehead lovingly. "I doubt that will happen. In fact Tuvok has cited his actions as further proof of his insanity and has instead recommended that he be transferred to a hospital for psychiatric evaluation. I will, of course, register my protest, but I'm only an EMH, they may not listen to me." "Tom's not insane." Chakotay spluttered furiously "Although by the time they have finished fucking with his head he probably will be." "So what are you going to do, Chakotay?" Angel asked "I am going to take him to Dorvan instead. When we get within communications range of DS9, I'm sure I will be able to get hold of one of my old contacts and arrange a ship. I'll transport us off Voyager straight onboard and be gone before anyone knows we are missing." "We could use my ship, Chakotay" Angel offered "I'll get you both off Voyager. My ship has a cloaking device. They will never be able to track us." "You'll help us?" Chakotay asked in obvious amazement "Of course I will. I love you. Nothing will change that. Tom has taught me what love really means. Your happiness always meant more to him than his own. My love has always been more selfish. I realise that now. Besides, I want the chance to say goodbye to your family. They mean a lot to me Chakotay, and anyway, it will let them know that I have given you and Tom my blessings." I think that I was even more stunned than Chakotay. What was it about the Commander that made these two men willing to sacrifice their own lives and happiness just to please him? And yet, there was something about Angel's sudden complete change of heart that didn't ring quite true. Perhaps I was just a cynic, but I had a feeling that there was some ulterior motive in Angel's generous offer of help. Maybe what happened next was not deliberate on Angel's part. Perhaps it was just unfortunate timing that Tom woke at exactly the wrong moment, just in time to see Angel throw his arms around Chakotay and say exuberantly "I can't wait to get home to Dorvan with you, Chakotay." TBC