ANGEL By Morticia 48/? ST: Voyager C/P Rating. SLASH, m/m R Archive: Anywhere, just let me know, please Disclaimer: Tom, Chak et al are Paramount's (lucky devils) Angel is mine (yippee!) And the name Jacqueline was borrowed with kind permission from Elli.     Jacqueline Paris   When Owen told us the news of Voyager's return it was as though a light was suddenly switched on in our dreary gloomy house. A light that had been dimmed for years. I had never truly forgiven Owen for the way he arbitrarily dismissed Tom from our house and from our lives. For the sake of the girls I had outwardly supported the decision, I understood that Owen was concerned that their own budding Starfleet careers would be tarnished by Tom's misdemeanors and that would have been so unfair to Elisabeth and Jeanette. The girls had always been the epitome of good behavior. Their complacent obedience had always cast Tom's reckless spirit deeper into the shadows. We had three beautiful children, blonde blue-eyed angels, but sometimes it seemed that the very devil himself was in Tom. Only, to be honest, Tom had always been the favourite of my children. I always preferred his lack of reverence, his joi de vivre, and his impish naughtiness. Tom wasn't BAD; he just couldn't manage to be GOOD. On so many occasions he tried so hard for Owen's approval, but he always failed to live up to my husband's standards in some crucial way, and eventually, unsurprisingly, he stopped trying. And deep inside myself, where I still jealously hoarded memories of my own wild and flighty childhood before I had married a Paris and learnt the terrible weight of respectability, I cheered and applauded his defiance. His refusal to become a bland imitation of his father brought Tom heartache and sadness, but I saw it as a strength that was lacking in the girls, and in me by that time, to be honest. Owen paraded we three women in public like Dresden dolls, perfectly groomed, and perfectly behaved. Tom was never invited to those events. Owen had long given up on Tom as an asset to his political ambition, years before the accident at Caldik Prime. Even after Tom was thrown out of our lives, we all kowtowed to the Paris commandment "Thou shalt not disappoint the Admiral". It was not until Tom was caught flying for the Maquis and imprisoned that the sparks of defiance finally caught flame in my heart. I couldn't believe that Owen would stand by and let our only son be condemned as a criminal and sent to Auckland, especially since I knew that Owen had a secret sympathy for the Maquis cause. I begged and pleaded with him for compassion but he was as unmovable as stone. I actually hated him then. I had never approved of his treatment of Tom but never had the bravery to defy him before. Hatred gave me the courage. It took many months of maneuvering, and the help of both Elisabeth and Jeanette, who were both working at Starfleet HQ by then, before I managed to bypass Owen's own security and I made contact with Kathryn Janeway. Jeanette had told me of a Maquis ship that had been lost in the badlands with an undercover operative on board. She had learnt of the plan to send a prototype starship after the missing vessel and that Kathryn was to be given the Captaincy. Kathryn and I had become acquainted when she had served with Owen on the Al Betani. I had needed her support and understanding after Owen's experiences with the Cardassians. He had come home bitter and disillusioned with Starfleet. He had objected strenuously to the Treaty agreement and had privately applauded the Maquis. It was my suggestion that Tom should be used to help find the missing ship. Kathryn was unreceptive to the suggestion. I think she realised that I didn't truly believe that Tom could help her, that I just wanted to get him out of that prison. But, to my surprise, Tom was assigned to Voyager and left for the badlands. When Voyager was immediately lost with all hands I had been devastated. I had been too shell-shocked by the terrible news to grasp the fact that Owen had also been destroyed by Tom's death. We both blundered around the house like pale ghosts for months, barely acknowledging each other's presence, rarely speaking, never sharing our pain. Then we received news that Voyager had survived but that she was in the Delta Quadrant and wouldn't return in our lifetime.  I was overjoyed, not only by the fact that Tom had survived but also by the knowledge that he would never again be jailed. Whatever dangers he might face out there, he was free and that was something worth celebrating. So Jeanette, Elisabeth and I shared a rapturous, drunken evening exchanging tales and anecdotes of Tom, laughing and crying, both celebrating his freedom and mourning his loss. When Owen had finally come home and walked in on us, his face was a picture of outrage. He had hurled abuse at our behavior and in our giddy grief we had just laughed at him. And instead of erupting in his usual fury, he had sunk down on a chair and cried, collapsing in on himself like a deflated balloon and he finally confessed to us that it had been HIS decision that had put Tom on Voyager. It turned out that Kathryn had gone straight from me and told him everything, only instead of him forbidding Tom's `escape' as she had obviously expected, he had ordered that it be so. Looking back, I realise that Owen must have been regretting his treatment of Tom for years. Age had mellowed him. He regretted his harsh disciplinarian treatment of Tom, his rigid unyielding pressure that had so terrified our son that he had lied about a simple accident and in doing so had ruined his own life. And life went on. Jeanette found a defiance of her own. She willfully became pregnant by some fly-by-night and then left Starfleet to become a fulltime mother to a boy she called little Tommy.  She refused to back-down to Owen's anger about the way that she threw her career away. When she point-blank asked him whether he intended to throw her out too, he accepted her choice without a further murmur and then treated Tommy with a doting affection that was alien to our expectations. Little Tommy was as boisterous as his namesake but Owen was a changed man and he simply laughed at antics that would have earned our Tom a whipping. Elisabeth married and had two children, but she stayed in Starfleet and joined her father in his efforts to find a way home for Voyager. He became a liaison for all of the families of the lost crew, both Maquis and Starfleet. In our grief we all became closer. The loss of Tom bound us tightly together so that we became a real family for the first time ever. Each Christmas the house rang with the gleeful shouts of Little Tommy and his cousins, Sarah and Jonah, but under the tree there would always be an untouched pile of presents for Tom which grew year by year as a testament to hope. One day he would return. One day he would walk through the door and seeing that ever growing pile of dust covered boxes he would finally know that we loved him and that we were sorry. The years passed in a grey blur. Owen visibly aged, as his quest to rescue Voyager bore no fruit. His political ambitions were shelved as he learnt far too late that nothing was more important than family. For myself, I helped Jeanette look after the children, retired from public life and attempted as normal an existence as possible. But at least once a week I would go into the room where Tom's unopened presents lay and I would allow myself to privately grieve. I don't think any of us realised how sad and soulless our house had become until Owen announced the news that Voyager had returned. It was only the contrast of our elation that made us understand that we had been merely sitting in a holding pattern for years. It was as though time had stopped with Tom's loss and his return was like an electric shock that galvanized us back into life. Owen had been involved in the rescue attempt and had positioned a ship to collect Tom straight off Voyager in the event that the operation was successful. He had kept his plans to himself, unwilling to risk our hopes being dashed yet again. So the news was a complete and wonderful surprise to us all. Owen warned me that he had received a message that Tom was unwell, suffering from some form of depressive illness, but I refused to let the news dishearten me. The whole family had been suffering from depression. Tom's return had cured us, surely our love would cure him, I thought with a kind of blind faith. The next few days were frantic with preparations as Tom's old room was redecorated and aired. All of the presents were dusted and piled in his room, and then added to endlessly as Jeanette and Elisabeth raided the entire sector in an effort to find the luxuries that Tom had been deprived of for so long. We wanted his return to be PERFECT. We wanted to erase years of hurt and neglect with fripperies. It was crass, possibly, but it was the only way we knew how to show him physically how much we had missed him. Even Owen joined us to watch the televisation of Voyager's homecoming party at DS9.  Of course we knew that Tom was already halfway home, but we wanted to see the return of his colleagues and friends. We felt that seeing the people who had been his "family" for so many years would be a way of "touching" Tom and would be a first step to understanding him. We knew that he had gained a position of respect and authority on Voyager. He was a lieutenant, chief pilot, fourth in command. This was a Tom even Owen could finally be proud of. But more than that, he was our little boy who had been lost and had now been found again. "That's Kathryn" Elisabeth breathed excitedly as the vid-cams played over the podium I actually flinched a little as I saw the haughty little Captain. As much as Voyager's disappearance had hurt me, I still couldn't forgive her for telling Owen of my plan to get Tom released. "The Vulcan next to her is Tuvok, the one who was undercover on the Maquis ship" Jeanette explained to me "Apparently they are married to each other now!" Elisabeth giggled "I wonder which one is Tom's girlfriend?" To my surprise I saw Owen flush slightly and look uncomfortable. I had been married to him for enough years to recognise his quickly hidden expression of distaste, besides I may have never been the best of mothers, but I DID know my own son. "I expect Tom is more likely to have a boyfriend" I replied mildly "MOTHER!" Elisabeth screamed in shock as Owen coloured further and sank slightly into his chair. Jeanette, on the other hand, met my eyes with a knowing grin. "So who do you think HE is?" She asked me slyly. I looked carefully at the vid-screen, weighing each of the faces in the crowd and then I shook my head in defeat. "I don't know." I confessed. To be honest, the one person who had caught my eye had been a heavy-set bronze-skinned man with a strange tattoo over one eye. There was something so solid and dependable about his handsome features that I could actually imagine him as being Tom's choice. However, since he was currently being devoured in the embrace of some huge glorious blonde giant, he was evidently not the one. "WOW" Jeanette breathed as she noticed the two men's passionate kiss. "Yuck!" Elisabeth replied. I had to smile. Elisabeth was obviously spending FAR too much time with her straight-laced father. "SHIT!" Jeanette screamed I blinked in astonishment at her language and then was more amazed that Owen didn't comment on it. He just went pale as he looked at the screen. I followed his gaze and for a moment my heart actually stopped. It was Tom. He was so emaciated he looked as though he had spent the last seven years in a Cardassian POW camp. His skin was white as parchment but flushed with a feverish fury as he limped painstakingly up the room towards the podium. I could feel the tears pouring down my cheeks as I saw my beautiful son now reduced to a wounded skeleton. Our living room was deadly silent as we all watched agape as the events unfolded in a blur of violence. We saw Tom attack the blond giant, saw the older man restraining him with a protective hug, heard Tom call `Chakotay' his husband and Captain Janeway say that Tom was mentally ill and then we watched in horror as the battle took place. It was only when I saw Tom hand a knife to `Chakotay', and I saw the older man nod and pull Tom close that I began to scream and as I saw the blade plunging towards them I fainted. So I didn't see their `miraculous' escape, I still don't know for sure that the knife didn't actually pierce Tom before Chakotay realised they had been rescued. Apparently, with the help of an alien from the Delta Quadrant, Chakotay has stolen a ship and Voyager's EMH. It is the theft of the EMH that makes me believe that Tom was definitely injured. Reports from DS9 are sketchy at the moment. It appears that this `Chakotay' was the leader of the Maquis cell. He has been acting as First Officer on Voyager but Captain Janeway is saying that she never trusted him, she only allowed him the position in order to keep the rest of the Maquis tame. The official ship's log states that Tom was paralyzed in an accident 18 months ago and spent most of that time as a quadriplegic. Chakotay took advantage of his vulnerability, completely taking over Tom's care and in a classic case of the patient falling in love with his doctor, Tom fell in love with the Maquis and was intending to marry him, only Chakotay left him after he was cured. Tuvok says that the alien cure had unexpected side effects on Tom, making him suicidally depressed. Owen is convinced that Chakotay intended to use his marriage to Tom and Tom's dependence on him as a bargaining chip in case they returned to the Alpha Quadrant. The arrival of "Angel" meant that Chakotay had no more need of Tom and the discovery of how badly he had been used had made Tom's mind snap, since he was already affected by his `cure'. Owen believes that Chakotay is taking advantage of Tom's illness. He is calling it kidnap. But I don't believe it. I saw the way Tom and Chakotay looked at each other. The moment I saw the handsome Indian, I KNEW he was someone that my Tom could love. Their bizarre attempted suicide pact was the act of desperate lovers not a criminal and his victim. So we are going to DS9 on the fastest ship that Starfleet had within hailing range, the USS Enterprise. I have finally put my foot down. I don't care if the whole of Starfleet is up in arms and pursuing the little craft. This is a FAMILY matter, this time I will not stand by and let the wolves gather around my son and the man who he calls his husband. Owen, Jeanette, Elisabeth and myself are going to find Tom and we are going to finally bring him home. TBC