ANGEL By Morticia 49/? ST: Voyager C/P Rating. SLASH, m/m R Archive: Anywhere, just let me know, please Disclaimer: Tom, Chak et al are Paramount's (lucky devils) Angel is mine (yippee!)   CHAKOTAY I felt a moment of guilty grief as we shot through the jagged hole in Voyager's side. The old lady had gallantly carried us home and I had rewarded her by blasting a hole in her side that gaped like a huge wound. So I risked the phasers of DS9 and made sure that she was clear of the backlash of our engines before engaging warp. Then I turned on the autopilot and the Heran cloaking device that would render us invisible both to sensors and the naked eye before turning to face the others. Those few moments of our escape had been enough for Tom to sink back into unconsciousness. Seeing his unnaturally pale face I started to rise out of my chair in panic but the Doctor's calm voice hastened to reassure me. "He's just sleeping, Commander, he's exhausted and malnourished but he's fine." I looked at him in relief "Thanks. Thank you for helping us too, and it's just Chakotay." I finished grimly; I certainly wasn't a Commander anymore. The only Starfleet title I was likely to hold from now on was Fugitive No 1. "I'm really grateful for your help, your timing was impeccable!" I said, shivering as I remembered the flashing blade "But I can't for the life of me understand how you knew to be ready. Did you KNOW Tom was on DS9?" Neelix looked away from me sheepishly, and shook his head in a negative. "Well I did" The Doctor said proudly, "I was in DS9's sickbay being `de-briefed' when Tom materialised. Doctor Bashir was then too busy creating a diversion to notice me leave." "A diversion?" "Well Tom was followed rather promptly by a security team from the USS HPTS. It appears he had told them he had some highly infectious virus. When they discovered it was just his way of forcing them to bring them here, they were decidedly unimpressed." I grinned over at Tom. In sleep he looked as innocent as a small child but I could clearly imagine him doing such a trick. It was the sort of mischievous thing he used to do before I had carelessly ripped his heart apart. My grin turned into a grimace as guilt struck me again, so I turned back to the Doctor. "How did you know we would need a ship?" "I didn't. To be honest I had absolutely no idea whether you would be pleased to see him or not.  The ship was to rescue Tom." The Doctor replied bluntly. I nodded. In view of my previous actions I could hardly lose my temper over such a harsh judgement. I had given no one cause to believe any better of me. "Why Angel's ship? It would have been hard enough to break into any docking bay, let alone have to get into Voyager too. Surely there were plenty of runabouts." I asked although, to be honest, without Angel's cloaking device we wouldn't have had a hope in hell of staying free for more than a few hours. "I - um - I - that is -" Neelix mumbled "He was already stealing it!" The Doctor snapped waspishly I blinked in surprise. "You were stealing Angel's ship?" I asked in confusion. "Why?" "Because I wanted to get the hell out of here" Neelix snapped back "So much for all your tales of Earth and the great Federation. I have spent the last 24 hours being interrogated and being subjected to the MOST embarrassing INTIMATE examinations!" The little Talaxian was almost purple with outrage and humiliation. "Apparently they wanted to be sure he wasn't a Founder!" the Doctor said "They seem to be QUITE paranoid these days." "So you were going to steal Angel's ship and go home?" I asked angrily. If Tom hadn't come to DS9 I would have lost my chance to follow him. Despite the fact that Neelix's selfish actions had actually saved us both, I was still aggrieved. "It seemed my only chance to get home!" Neelix replied with shame. "The wormhole has collapsed" I told him, "There isn't any way back to the Delta Quadrant." "So where can I go?" Neelix asked in renewed panic "Where can any of us go?" Which had been my thought all along too. "Dorvan" I replied decisively "Dorvan?" Tom asked in a frightened voice. I swung around in surprise. I hadn't realised that he had woken up. "It's the only place I can think of. babe!" I told him "They don't have an extradition treaty with the Federation. Ever since they were abandoned to the Cardassians, the Dorvan government has refused to accept any Federation law. Now the war is over, Dorvan is neutral territory." I thought my words would soothe him, but instead I saw tears pooling in his blue eyes and his lower lip began to quiver tremulously. The confidence he had shown in DS9 had been replaced with his more usual uncertainty. I scooted over to him and sank to my knees so that our faces were level. Gently cupping his face in my hands I leant forwards and kissed the tip of his nose. He shuddered and collapsed forwards into my chest. I hugged him fiercely. "It's okay, Tom. It's going to be alright." "I don't want to go to Dorvan" he whispered sadly into my ear. I pushed gently at his shoulders until I could look at his tear- filled eyes; they were bleak with misery. "We will be safe there, Tom." I assured him, although to be honest I wasn't sure whether that was completely true. "My family will help us." I watched Tom bite his lower lip pensively. "Your family will hate me, they will hate me for stealing you from Angel" he mumbled sadly. "You didn't steal me, Tom. I have given myself to you. You are everything. You are the keeper of my soul. They will love you because I love you." "Do you?" Tom asked and then flushed as I flinched. "I'm sorry" he whispered I clenched his hands tightly in my own. They were frighteningly cold so I began to rub them softly as I began to whisper all the endearments I could think of. "Ahem" The Doctor's voice made me color with embarrassment. I had honestly forgotten that anyone else was there. "Since it will take several hours to get there, and Neelix and I are quite capable of watching the autopilot, perhaps it would be a good idea if you took Tom to bed." I choked. Neelix spluttered and Tom's miserable expression was eradicated by a joyful snigger. For a moment the Doctor flickered in bewilderment. I could almost see his sub-routines chasing themselves in confusion. Then understanding dawned and he huffed with annoyance. "That was a MEDICAL recommendation. Tom needs to sleep." "Oh, you meant I should "Put" Tom to bed" I replied sagely, "You really must TRY and explain yourself more clearly Doctor." Tom collapsed in giggles at my dry comment. As I helped Tom to his feet I looked over his shoulder at the affronted Doctor and gave him an apologetic grin. Understanding that my `wit' had been an effort to cheer Tom up, the Doctor nodded his forgiveness and gave me a wry smile. Tom was still sniggering as I helped him into the narrow bunk in the aft of the small craft.  I smoothed the sheets and tucked a blanket tightly around his thin shoulders before kissing him gently on the forehead. As soon as his head sank into the pillow, his eyes began to flutter as he struggled against his exhaustion. "Sleep, honey." I urged him "Will you stay with me?" he whispered beseechingly "Of course" I replied softly "I am never going to let you out of my sight again, Tom." He smiled happily and closed his eyes. I waited until he was in that vulnerable twilight state between awareness and sleep before I softly asked the question that had been raging in my head. "Tom?" "Umm?" "Why did you have a knife?" "Just in case" he mumbled sleepily "Just in case of what?" I probed "In case you chose HIM" Tom replied, his voice fading as sleep descended I shuddered in cold fear. Tom may have found the strength to have come back to me, but he was obviously still far from well. I had terrified myself with the way I had sunk into his madness on DS9. At the time, with the battle raging around us, with certain capture just seconds away, Tom's suicidal plan had actually made sense to me. Now I was horrified that I had even considered such an option. But it was one thing to have let the heat of the moment overwhelm me and another entirely to have `planned' suicide in cold blood as Tom evidently had. I was going to have to be SO careful. Tom would have to be watched like a hawk from now on.  I could only pray that on Dorvan we would find some help for his depression, some way to undo all of the harm that I had evidently done him. Yet, it was so difficult to reconcile this depressed, suicidal Tom with the avenging spirit who had descended on Quarks. How the hell had Tom found the strength to trick his way back to DS9 and then FORCE me to marry him? (Not that I was complaining, of course) "Tom?" I queried gently; uncertain whether he was still awake. "Ummmmmmmm?" he mumbled sleepily "Why did you come back for me?" For a long time he was silent, his chest moving up and down so regularly that I was convinced that he was asleep, but then he answered me "It wasn't me" I looked at him in bewilderment and then shrugged. Tom was obviously fast asleep after all. He must simply be dreaming. "It was Passamaquoddy." Tom whispered and then rolled over and began to snore softly. So he was completely unaware of the way I nearly fainted at his words. TBC